So much of parenting involves how we feel about ourselves. As psychologist and author Pat Love has said, the best thing adults can do as parents is to have their needs met by other adults and not by their children. Our kids need us to be the best, most developed, and most fulfilled versions of ourselves in all areas of our lives in order to feel independent and secure in theirs. That way, they can emulate and learn from us without feeling they must fill the voids we experience in our own lives.

When we give our kids too much power, we start to act like victims to our children instead of the teachers, caregivers, and role models we should be. Overindulging, over-rewarding, or babying our children actually serves as a sort of pressure for greatness and a set up for disappointment. The empty acts we mistake for nurturance are, at best, substitutes for real love and, at worst, forms of actual abuse. It's no great coincidence that many of the children we see being spoiled or indulged also appear unhappy and dissatisfied. The most honest proof of good parenting is seeing our child doing well, showing interest, learning skills, finding contentment, and finding him/herself. What we can offer as parents is love, safety, support, and guidance, a strong security from which our children can confidently venture out and independently experience the world.

Two months in, and today I just want to say that my little Josiah gives me SO much joy. Lord, You really knew what You were doing when You allowed me to get pregnant during the hardest time in my life so far. You created this life in me. You blessed my womb. You sustained the pregnancy. You came through for me during labor and delivery. And You are using him to remind me of Your goodness -- the UNDESERVED goodness that I'm a recipient of.

Thank You, Lord.

And I. Can't. Get. Enough. Of his smiles, the coos, the way he kicks and wiggles his arms. His ROLLS!

Thank You for being so good to me.

Totally empty. Help, God. And please... give me a heart of flesh instead of this heart of stone.

About a year ago, I was in a freak accident that left me almost debilitated. I have still not recovered from this event. It happened when my firstborn was 17-months-old. I went from being an active, passionate, and involved stay-at-home parent to an inactive and depressed 33-year old mother. Every day felt like a challenge to do life with a toddler. I pushed myself to go on walks, when that was just about the hardest thing I could do. On our walks around the neighborhood, my son started saying, "This way, mommy. Follow the sunshine," pointing to the bright direction, versus the shady path. Although his little 1 1/2 year old mind meant what he said, I absorbed his words and it became words of hope for me. Follow the sunshine, even when life feels terribly wrong. This past year has been the hardest year of my life. Now, newly mother to two, I find it even more imminent that I choose to follow the sunny path, instead of darkness that lures. This blog -- and my instagram account -- are meant to be used as tools to help me "follow sunshine"... to hope and live again. And who knows, maybe my body will be restored before I get to heaven. I have to believe that can happen, as with God, nothing is impossible.