Pearl almost 3 yo

 "I didn't break it... (looks up)... it fell by itself."
M: I'm so sorry I yelled at you.
P: I'm so sorry ... it fell by itself" 

Why California

- Walkability (health is wealth -- mental, physical)... In Tennessee you had trouble with that aspect.
- It is "home" - roots, connection.... feeling of "calm"
- Outside all the time (helps to distract, stay busy) -- I think I am built to not be "still" for long.
- No radon 
- Beach - salt water heals!
- Born and raised --- double-blessed
- Have a home where you can house people and bless them. 

Praying for a neighborhood and church where we could experience real community. 
* Kids bikes until sunset
* parents chit-chat in driveways
* People know each other’s names.

"Once you leave you cannot come back..."

Prayer

 God will not lead you astray.
.This season that we are in is part of our kids' testimonies.
Asa = missionary, gospel to the nations
Pearl = strong, carry her mother's story; spend 10 minutes with her a time, develop that relationship. God knew what he was doing when he gave me a daughter with all the boys around. 
Zachary = adventurous, strong immune system
Josiah = black & white = right & wrong, strong moral character, servant-hearted, may he know when to rest and say no.
Luke = intelligence, that he would also know his calling at a young age, by age 13 and not waiver
Julie = new life inside her, healthy cells, good health, Daughter of king, needs/desires
David = sleep, lead with strength, that he would meet God in his dreams

season of trusting God for bread
God is using this season to sharpen us and our children, We want the best for our kids, but God is caring for them and writing their stories...
"For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills." Psalm 50:10

• The primary message is that God is not lacking anything from humanity, and true worship involves a sacrifice of a thankful heart and obedience, rather than just offerings. 
  
  
• God show us the right property for us. 
• One day we will look around at all the friends we have, women and men and understand why
  we went through this season

Absolutes in a home

- No vinyl or laminate floors = forever chemicals (wood or tile only)
- Easy access to walking
- Backyard for play 

TN vs CA

 TN:

- Family values, marriage values!
- Christian values
- Good resources for mental health 
- Affordable
- Seasons 
----------------------
- Weather
- Not many libraries, etc. Not so convenient 
- Far from home
- Radon
- Bugs
- Not walkable

CA:

- Familiar
- Convenient 
- Feels like "home" 
- Various Amenities 
- Good weather 
- Walkable!
- Ocean breeze

----------------------
- Dirty
- Too many regulations
- High taxation
- Stressful to navigate life 
- Trauma
- No morals

 "The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places."  A reminder to be content with where I am at. 

"When we trust our Savior-Shepherd, we will always be right where we need to be.

The biggest decision you face today isn't what you'll do next. It is who you will trust."
Pov. 3:5-6

The bible is full of stories of men and women who wanted a plan for the next steps of life. But God wanted their hearts. He was after their trust. 

When we trust God, we will always be right where we need to be." 

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away

Live in God's Economy

 Be obedient to Him

Honor God in all You do.

"Those who hope in me will not be disappointed." Isaiah 49:23

Love Jesus first!

"See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland." -- Isaiah 43:19

God, open and close the doors as you guide us.

Eyes on Jesus... Keep your eyes on him! 

Waves... Peter ... burn the ships.... 

"The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith." 

"Take the first step.

Sometimes we’re waiting on God to show us the plan, to show us every step, to give us complete clarity about the future, but what God would often say is: “Take the first step and watch what I do.”

“Take the first step and when you move you will see me move.”

In the book of Joshua, when they come to the river Jordan, God says: Put your foot in the river and then the water upstream will stop flowing.”

If it had been me, I would have said: “Why don’t you stop the water and then I’ll put my foot on the dry riverbed?”

But God says - that’s not the way it works.

When you take action, when you show faith, when you demonstrate that you want to move forward, God will come in behind you and He will light the way before you. He will open things up.

But if you’re sitting passively waiting on Him to do something, you will stay stuck where you are.

I have found that action brings clarity. Action brings clarity.

And action moves the hand and heart of God.

Because faith moves the hand and heart of God.

So if you are feeling stuck today, take the next step.

It might not be a big step.

It might not be a momentous step.

It may seem like an insignificant step to you or others.

But take a step.
Put your foot in the river.
And see what God opens up before you."

 Today, our home will go on the market... and it will be official. I am praying that You meet the price for us, Lord.  I feel emotional. Today, I asked my husband, "Are you ready to list our home?" Our home. The home that You gave us in 2011-2012. Our first home. The home that shaped me. The home that housed my family. The home that I brought my babies to. The home I made memories in. 

But I know deep down inside it is the right thing to do. God, lead us to the next home. Lead us and guide us. Heal my marriage. Heal my kids. Heal our family. Lord, may our new home be a place of love, health, and joy. May it be Your dwelling place. May we sense Your presence there. Show us, Lord. Guide us. In Jesus' Name. Amen. 

Not moving to Nashville! High crime, over priced, hot and humid, culture shock.
I should consider another area in CA - but where? 

Or perhaps I need to reconsider another place in TN. 

We desire a place where the yard is bigger, a place where David can get an office, more space for kids... 

** Elijah prayed for rain and God sent a cloud. It was evidence that the answer was coming. Right now, you might not be seeing the answer you long for, but don't miss the signs around you that God is moving things.

** Genesis 11:31-32
Often we get stuck because we stopped too long in a place we were never meant to stay. 
Inertia sets in. We begin to settle. We overthink everything. We become passive and procrastinate. 
The only way to get unstuck is to start moving again. 
Do something different. Disrupt the pattern. Break the cycle. 
The first step is usually the hardest part. 
Even a fumbling, imperfect step is better than staying where you are. 
Once you get started, movement will create momentum. 

 Reason to leave CA: 
LA riots are insane. Crowds, crazy immigration issues, Homelessness, lawlessness
Hit & run accidents in CA 
Crowded, overwhelming

 Leave Long Beach -

* Prices could go down more. Sell now before the prices drop.
* Buyers' market so you can get something better. There could be something better for your family.
* Move somewhere where labor is not "cheap" and David and the boys can build and work with their hands. Healthy masculinity.

Is TN a good place? 
Someone wrote: 
"My children hate it in TN also from the west coast my son has been here 4 years he came out for college. We have been here 3 years. We moved when my youngest was 12, I think it depends where you land, rural areas will be harder to transition. We put in sports right away, thinking that would help but there was a lot of bullying from coaches. We ended up homeschooling after public school due to the same, a lot of hate being from CA. We are currently working on a plan to leave. There are a lot of people who love it though, I’ve met 50/50. A few families already moved back others flourished. I think the younger the kids you have the easier the move. But we landed very rural, keep to larger cities and would be easier. I miss the close proximity to the ocean, and great camping areas. Yes they have out here just not the same. Humidity and bugs drive me nuts. Cheaper cost of living as in taxes, registration etc. but real estate is insane. Hard to find a good Mexican restaurant. The state is overall very poor, low paying wages, but if you own your own business and there is a need you will do great! Really research before committing or even long vacation would be helpful. Not running back to CA but a neighboring state, that would make travel to CA much easier."


Tennessee has high crime rates and the prices have exploded on homes.

"Let the dead bury the dead..." 

Reasons to Stay in Long Beach: 
- Pay off mortgage 
- Routines, consistency, relationships, roots
- High paying job market 
- Good for our nervous system (VERY stressful to move; STRESS = high cortisol, health issues!)
- Diversity, good food, good weather, good access to nature (intentional) 
- Focus on Baby #6
Be faithful where you are at... be content.... 

Mother-in-law stuff ------- TN would be closer, CA my mom is gone -- feels more free to be, less traumatic

CRIME in TN vs CRIME IN CA

 God, I pray that if it's Your will that we sell our home, that we would get at least $900,000 for it. God, if this is Your plan, the home will sell quickly and without any issues. Please lead the right future owners for this home, if it is Your will that we sell and move. 

Outside! More nature!

 

I'd love a place where the kids can just play outside all the time. Recently I've been feeling overwhelmed when they want to play outside with their bikes. I have to run outside to supervise. Reason: cars, people with dogs, and lack of private space. 

Also,  this morning, I'm reminded of how much I would love another baby. Asa is 7 months now. He has a tooth! A tooth!!! How time flies. 

 

Run away from VS Run towards

 Are you running away from something?

TN is not so attractive to me; I am concerned about radon, I see fat people everywhere, smoking, and the weather can be unpleasant (with ticks, humidity, tornadoes)

                                                     BUT JESUS IS ATTRACTIVE. And I cannot help but see Jesus there. 

CA is more attractive to me; it's got pleasant weather,  the beach, familiarity (culture, doctors, etc.)

But I often feel like the culture here does not embrace Jesus. People can get lost in fun, material wealth, and fight for things that ultimately do not matter (people tend to be really opinionated and political).  It is also not very family-friendly here.

I often struggle with finding Jesus here, and I often fault myself for it. Life here is flashy, exciting, and the draw is to the next "fun" thing. 

But shouldn't the draw be Jesus? Simple as that?

Sometimes I find myself not trusting Jesus and convincing myself that if I stayed here, I could pay the home off and have security here. I could grow old here. My kids could have a place here if needed. We would always have one foot in California, just in case. 

But what if we were meant to walk by faith and not by sight and trust God for the outcome, no matter what? 

Then sometimes I tell myself, that if I build out, I can "keep" my kids here... but I know that my children do not belong to me. They belong to God.

Cheryl reminded me today that it is not my job to provide housing for my kids. It is not my job to keep them safe. Her strong advice, without hesitation was: Do what's best for you David. Do what's best for your marriage. Immediately, I thought of how it's been hard for David to do anything on this property, in this house. It's been hard. But I don't want to run away from hard things. I'm just saying, it's been hard. 

Sometimes I ask myself, if I stay, would my kids afford a home someday? What would the culture teach my kids?

I am encouraged by this song by For King and Country: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOVrOuKVBuY

Just some thoughts.... 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYegkmY-flE

K's Reasons

 So looking back at all the things our big reasons:

1. Space in our home (work from home and homeschooling + visitors) 2. Slower seasons, rest 3. New nature adventures 4. Less people, more space 5. Cost of living (this was huge) 6. Political climate 7. Homeschool freedoms 8. Religious freedoms The last three may sound strange, but it’s definitely a palpable difference leaving ca and reflecting back.

Why Leave CA

 - High taxes (mis-managed) 
- Homelessness, drugs
- Kids cannot afford a home here in the future
- Lack of nature, land
- Lack of freedoms (everyone's ready to report you, etc. /citations)
- Illegal immigrants
- Poor education, liberal ideology
- Bad air quality (especially near the airport)
- CA cannot control forest fires

Leave Long Beach
- Traumatic childhood/memories
- Very liberal
- You most likely will not leave if you don't leave now. Do you want to raise your children here?

East TN again...?

 A very upfront, vocal woman approached me yesterday at the handicraft fair and cautioned me about moving to North Idaho. Her sister lives there, and she explained to me that if I had no family, it could feel really remote. It is also cold & dreary, and the church scene is questionable. I have hesitations too. The "unfriendly" vibe, the cold people, the hunting culture being too intense, the white supremacy..., the tough girl scene. Perhaps it was meant to be that she approached me, and prayed for me. Perhaps it was God's warning sign, a protection for our family. (Guns concern me as our family continues to struggle with mental health.)

Tennessee came up again when we ran into Shaun in the evening. "I kept thinking of you, Julie," he repeated over and over. He cautioned us to reconsider, for the kids' sake. I had also longed for East TN when I sipped on the beautiful stone-made mug, when I thought of the kindness I experienced there, and the beautiful smokey mountains.... 

Then I thought about my WHY's again. Those have changed over time, but they are:

- Roots (where can I settle down, and grow old)? The climate is more mild there, and it seems to be more comfortable for us to grow old eventually. My children also have family out in that direction, so they would feel a sense of belonging.
- My children could eventually buy homes out in that direction because of affordability. 
- Years ago, I felt God call us to North Carolina. He also gave me a sign of mountains. Perhaps I was considering the wrong mountains. Perhaps He is leading us to the Smokey Mountains.  I remember as we were leaving the area, I saw the remnants of Hurricane Helene. I had felt God say he wanted us to build this year, but to build our home and our family in ruins? 
- Nature, trees to climb...
- Homestead, gardening, raising animals
- Homeschooling is strong
- Family values
- Walkability, ability to exercise and stay healthy and active.

I remember how I felt at Grace Meadow Farms - the warmth of the people there. I also met a woman who was recently widowed from her late pastor husband. Moved from NY to E TN and she said she felt safe as ever. 

 There is something better for our family. God has something better for us.

Live by faith, not by sight.

If you look at what everyone is doing, do the opposite.
- sports
- be broke
- build out
- take out more loans
- put kids in programs
- stay in California - it's great! 

If you move to a place like Idaho, you need to stay active. 

Resist Naysayers

"CA is the best. CA has everything."
"Your home is a good home to grow old in."
"Horses?" 
"What are you going to do with all that land?"
"No Asians!" 
"White flight."
"It's too cold."
"CA has perfect weather."

Today's Thoughts ...

 Yesterday, David and I talked about how we could just pay off this house and hunker down with that plan in mind. I shared my fear with David that if something were to happen to him, then I would have a house that is paid off. I would know my surroundings (Long Beach -- the place I grew up in and am very familiar with) and I could "make it on my own." I reasoned with myself that my kids could still climb trees on neighborhood walks, and I could step outside at any point and enjoy the beautiful weather and listen to podcasts making loops around the block - all while feeling "safe". Safety is important for me. So is predictability, and stability. 

But there is a tug in my heart, begging "What if there is more to life than this?"

Long Beach does feel like prison. But it is familiar and safe. 

BUT!

Just because it's familiar, safe, predictable -- doesn't mean it's good or healthy. David has lost himself here. There is nothing left for him to do. I am stuck in a cycle, too. A cycle that is not good either -- it feels wrong -- how I treat people at times (my kids, my husband), how I control so much due to OCD, and how I am not fulfilling the role of a wife and mother well. 

What if God has something else for us? I was listening to a podcast today and I was reminded that if we do not take the leap of faith, we would always wonder... and I guess I would have to be OK with that.

Also, are we truly obeying God's call? A reminder that if He leads us to the waters, He will not let us drown.

And another reminder: IF ____ , then we will figure it out... 

Plus, we have God and He has our good. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor 5:7

This is what the LORD says: " Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." - Jeremiah 6:16 

Leave...

 Reasons to leave... 
-Get out of debt
-live an extraordinary life 

Yesterday as I took the kids on a walk, I noticed a large dark cloud in the sky. It smelled terrible as we continued our walk, and it followed us as well. I later read that it was from the Los Cerritos area of Long Beach, and PVP pipes were burned, along with tires and mattresses. Toxic. On our walk yesterday, I also saw an airplane flying above us, and just a few feet away cars were racing by. This is our little Long Beach CA "paradise" I guess. I know that when I cross the busy street, it's less chaotic. And there lies peace for us... and I am thankful for it. But all in all, it seems as though my heart longs for more. More nature. More trees, more space for my growing kids to be kids and climb trees. Babies don't keep, I know that. How many more years do we have before they grow up? Although my heart aches to leave "home" I know there is no better time than now. 

The house

I woke up this morning feeling down about selling my house. I hesitate because what if it doesn't work out if I moved? It would be good to have a home to come back, or grow old in....

But I can't imagine coming back to a home that had been lived in by someone else (renter). It would not be the same anymore.

I had to ask myself this question: Would you sell your house today for another CA home if you could? The answer was a resounding yes. I would leave behind the LBC and the hard memories I made growing up here. I would leave it behind and choose something new for myself and for my family. I don't have to be the victim anymore. I won't have to feel powerless anymore. I can feel empowered. I can change, and perhaps that begins with moving and leaving the home behind. 

Values, reflections...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhOUaszMGvQ Remember this video? 

How can I be more present? In my decision-making, will it take me away from my family? Or can I still be present and available for them? How do I simplify and magnify God and reduce noise and excess?

How do I remember my gender role as a woman, wife, mom? How do I reject my desire to be like my dad and "mad-dog" when I am upset

"Home"

Does home always have to feel familiar? 

What if it's way different than what you're used to?

Is "home" the people you are around? 

Home has to feel SAFE.