https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYegkmY-flE

K's Reasons

 So looking back at all the things our big reasons:

1. Space in our home (work from home and homeschooling + visitors) 2. Slower seasons, rest 3. New nature adventures 4. Less people, more space 5. Cost of living (this was huge) 6. Political climate 7. Homeschool freedoms 8. Religious freedoms The last three may sound strange, but it’s definitely a palpable difference leaving ca and reflecting back.

Why Leave CA

 - High taxes (mis-managed) 
- Homelessness, drugs
- Kids cannot afford a home here in the future
- Lack of nature, land
- Lack of freedoms (everyone's ready to report you, etc. /citations)
- Illegal immigrants
- Poor education, liberal ideology
- Bad air quality (especially near the airport)
- CA cannot control forest fires

Leave Long Beach
- Traumatic childhood/memories
- Very liberal
- You most likely will not leave if you don't leave now. Do you want to raise your children here?

East TN again...?

 A very upfront, vocal woman approached me yesterday at the handicraft fair and cautioned me about moving to North Idaho. Her sister lives there, and she explained to me that if I had no family, it could feel really remote. It is also cold & dreary, and the church scene is questionable. I have hesitations too. The "unfriendly" vibe, the cold people, the hunting culture being too intense, the white supremacy..., the tough girl scene. Perhaps it was meant to be that she approached me, and prayed for me. Perhaps it was God's warning sign, a protection for our family. (Guns concern me as our family continues to struggle with mental health.)

Tennessee came up again when we ran into Shaun in the evening. "I kept thinking of you, Julie," he repeated over and over. He cautioned us to reconsider, for the kids' sake. I had also longed for East TN when I sipped on the beautiful stone-made mug, when I thought of the kindness I experienced there, and the beautiful smokey mountains.... 

Then I thought about my WHY's again. Those have changed over time, but they are:

- Roots (where can I settle down, and grow old)? The climate is more mild there, and it seems to be more comfortable for us to grow old eventually. My children also have family out in that direction, so they would feel a sense of belonging.
- My children could eventually buy homes out in that direction because of affordability. 
- Years ago, I felt God call us to North Carolina. He also gave me a sign of mountains. Perhaps I was considering the wrong mountains. Perhaps He is leading us to the Smokey Mountains.  I remember as we were leaving the area, I saw the remnants of Hurricane Helene. I had felt God say he wanted us to build this year, but to build our home and our family in ruins? 
- Nature, trees to climb...
- Homestead, gardening, raising animals
- Homeschooling is strong
- Family values
- Walkability, ability to exercise and stay healthy and active.

I remember how I felt at Grace Meadow Farms - the warmth of the people there. I also met a woman who was recently widowed from her late pastor husband. Moved from NY to E TN and she said she felt safe as ever. 

 There is something better for our family. God has something better for us.

Live by faith, not by sight.

If you look at what everyone is doing, do the opposite.
- sports
- be broke
- build out
- take out more loans
- put kids in programs
- stay in California - it's great! 

If you move to a place like Idaho, you need to stay active. 

Resist Naysayers

"CA is the best. CA has everything."
"Your home is a good home to grow old in."
"Horses?" 
"What are you going to do with all that land?"
"No Asians!" 
"White flight."
"It's too cold."
"CA has perfect weather."

Today's Thoughts ...

 Yesterday, David and I talked about how we could just pay off this house and hunker down with that plan in mind. I shared my fear with David that if something were to happen to him, then I would have a house that is paid off. I would know my surroundings (Long Beach -- the place I grew up in and am very familiar with) and I could "make it on my own." I reasoned with myself that my kids could still climb trees on neighborhood walks, and I could step outside at any point and enjoy the beautiful weather and listen to podcasts making loops around the block - all while feeling "safe". Safety is important for me. So is predictability, and stability. 

But there is a tug in my heart, begging "What if there is more to life than this?"

Long Beach does feel like prison. But it is familiar and safe. 

BUT!

Just because it's familiar, safe, predictable -- doesn't mean it's good or healthy. David has lost himself here. There is nothing left for him to do. I am stuck in a cycle, too. A cycle that is not good either -- it feels wrong -- how I treat people at times (my kids, my husband), how I control so much due to OCD, and how I am not fulfilling the role of a wife and mother well. 

What if God has something else for us? I was listening to a podcast today and I was reminded that if we do not take the leap of faith, we would always wonder... and I guess I would have to be OK with that.

Also, are we truly obeying God's call? A reminder that if He leads us to the waters, He will not let us drown.

And another reminder: IF ____ , then we will figure it out... 

Plus, we have God and He has our good. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor 5:7

This is what the LORD says: " Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." - Jeremiah 6:16 

Leave...

 Reasons to leave... 
-Get out of debt
-live an extraordinary life 

Yesterday as I took the kids on a walk, I noticed a large dark cloud in the sky. It smelled terrible as we continued our walk, and it followed us as well. I later read that it was from the Los Cerritos area of Long Beach, and PVP pipes were burned, along with tires and mattresses. Toxic. On our walk yesterday, I also saw an airplane flying above us, and just a few feet away cars were racing by. This is our little Long Beach CA "paradise" I guess. I know that when I cross the busy street, it's less chaotic. And there lies peace for us... and I am thankful for it. But all in all, it seems as though my heart longs for more. More nature. More trees, more space for my growing kids to be kids and climb trees. Babies don't keep, I know that. How many more years do we have before they grow up? Although my heart aches to leave "home" I know there is no better time than now. 

The house

I woke up this morning feeling down about selling my house. I hesitate because what if it doesn't work out if I moved? It would be good to have a home to come back, or grow old in....

But I can't imagine coming back to a home that had been lived in by someone else (renter). It would not be the same anymore.

I had to ask myself this question: Would you sell your house today for another CA home if you could? The answer was a resounding yes. I would leave behind the LBC and the hard memories I made growing up here. I would leave it behind and choose something new for myself and for my family. I don't have to be the victim anymore. I won't have to feel powerless anymore. I can feel empowered. I can change, and perhaps that begins with moving and leaving the home behind. 

Values, reflections...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhOUaszMGvQ Remember this video? 

How can I be more present? In my decision-making, will it take me away from my family? Or can I still be present and available for them? How do I simplify and magnify God and reduce noise and excess?

How do I remember my gender role as a woman, wife, mom? How do I reject my desire to be like my dad and "mad-dog" when I am upset