There are few good days. Most days I feel my disability. Just now, I was sitting, leaning forward and having a hard time breathing. Then leaning back, I feel a tiny hole in which I can breathe. I feel angry, like I want to scream. I want to give up, do something self-sabatoging like eat something bad. I can't sit and talk to my family member without feeling a shortness of breath. My breathing was so much better, even though it was not great, before Dr. Epstein performed this bronchoscopy on me. And the angering part of this all is that no one believes me. I believe he was in a rush to pull that scope out of my nostril. I felt a scratch as he was pulling it out. I feel he caused residual damage, whether to the trachea, or vocal cord... or something else. It has almost been a full year. A full, fucking year. Will I have to live like this for the rest of my life? How can I ever get better? Who can ever look into me and see damage to vocal cords or trachea and FIX it? Where is my hope? Where are you, God?