My Josiah is turning 9 months this Sunday. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that God knitted him in me and used basically 9 months to grow this adorable, sweet child in my body. Recently, David and I have so been enjoying his love for food and his zest for life! He is always eager to go, quick to move and explore the world around him. I think he got his passion for life and his persistence to "get out there" and interact with the world from me. Though I am walking through the valley, I am relentless to give up. I refuse to let this breathing difficulty, this knot, this undiagnosed heaviness in my chest stop me from pursuing my dreams and miss out on the very precious life that God has graciously given me.
This afternoon, I saw a new doctor. My gem of a doctor has recently moved out of state, and I am left trying to navigate this frustrating healthcare system almost from the start again. I didn't have high hopes going into this doctor's appointment. I read reviews and looked at her credentials. Then I saw her, and although I did not have great expectations going into the appointment, I was still appalled by how dismissive she was. She was able to access my medical files and read notes from other doctors and concluded that I have anxiety. She did not take time to evaluate me, but simply referred me on to other specialists...
... which I suppose is a good thing. I will be seeing a neurologist, endocrinologist, cardiologist and pulmonologist through UCLA in the near future. Although I want to push forward in seek answers, I am also dreading the potential endless doctor visits and all the stress that comes with them -- the racking of medical bills, the constant trouble of finding trustworthy childcare, the challenge of being present with my children during such taxing times. When I found out I was pregnant with Josiah, I put a pause on seeking treatment and undergoing diagnostic tests. And although that led to me feeling physically unwell during my second viable pregnancy (third pregnancy total) and then the 9 months postpartum, it's been kind of nice not having to think about the stress of seeing doctors again.
But here I am. God, will You bless this road I am on? Will you protect me, guide me, and ultimately heal me here on earth... and soon. Let it be soon, dear Lord. It's been so hard.
This afternoon, I saw a new doctor. My gem of a doctor has recently moved out of state, and I am left trying to navigate this frustrating healthcare system almost from the start again. I didn't have high hopes going into this doctor's appointment. I read reviews and looked at her credentials. Then I saw her, and although I did not have great expectations going into the appointment, I was still appalled by how dismissive she was. She was able to access my medical files and read notes from other doctors and concluded that I have anxiety. She did not take time to evaluate me, but simply referred me on to other specialists...
... which I suppose is a good thing. I will be seeing a neurologist, endocrinologist, cardiologist and pulmonologist through UCLA in the near future. Although I want to push forward in seek answers, I am also dreading the potential endless doctor visits and all the stress that comes with them -- the racking of medical bills, the constant trouble of finding trustworthy childcare, the challenge of being present with my children during such taxing times. When I found out I was pregnant with Josiah, I put a pause on seeking treatment and undergoing diagnostic tests. And although that led to me feeling physically unwell during my second viable pregnancy (third pregnancy total) and then the 9 months postpartum, it's been kind of nice not having to think about the stress of seeing doctors again.
But here I am. God, will You bless this road I am on? Will you protect me, guide me, and ultimately heal me here on earth... and soon. Let it be soon, dear Lord. It's been so hard.
