Breathing in 2021

 January 2021... 

God, REPAIR. Do Your work of REPAIR in me, in my life, in my family, in my marriage, in my boys.

Today I woke up early and spent some time browsing homeschooling materials. My spirit felt elevated. When I think about homeschooling, teaching, eating healthy, exercising -- I feel like I am on top of the world. I read with Josiah. I played with Zachary. I helped Luke with some character education materials. I was present. I was available.

And then I went outside. I felt the tug in my chest. The dreaded heaviness. The choking sensation my throat. The gasping for air. The air hunger. What is wrong with me? What is going on? Only You know. I am so depressed. I wish to be restored, to be repaired in this way. 

Yet here I am. 

Please, Lord, have mercy on me. Answer my cry for help. Restore me, relieve me, repair me here on Earth. And soon... 

In the meantime... help me not to miss out on living in the moment. Help me not to live my life gasping for air, but instead, breathing easily, freely in the precious moments that You have given me.

Zachary 10 Months

 Happy 10 Months, my sweet Zachy Bear! I can't believe you're ALREADY 10 MONTHS! We have thoroughly been enjoying you. You are so playful, but you sure keep us on our toes!
At 10 months, you have a total of 8 teeth and you have been eating like a champ. You enjoy persimmons, oranges, greens, baby puffs and yogurt. You also pretty much love anything we're eating for dinner...although a few nights ago, you had lentil soup and had bad gas all night long. Yikes!

On December 16, a day after my birthday, you surprised me by crawling to me. It was the sweetest thing ever and now you often will crawl (army crawl) to me. Hearing you say, "Mamamama" continues to warm my heart. You still make the wrinkled nose facial expression, and you love to play with daddy. In fact, you love to play all the time. Sometimes, one of us would cover our faces and you like to peal our hands off our face. You're super happy, always giggling!

I love when you shriek - we do it back and forth often. It's so amusing to you. You love anything that is NOT a toy, such as scissors, pencils, pens, hair brushes, etc. It almost seems like you know your'e not supposed to have them because when you end up with them you make noise and quickly get our attention!

I have to be very quick with you in general. The other day, you tried to eat a crayon! Another day, you tried to eat a rock! Your hands are so fast... I'm so thankful that God has kept you safe this whole time!

We continue to cosleep, but it's been rough. You can be a light sleeper and you kick really hard when you're awake. You still love milk.

You don't love bath time as much anymore. And you also don't seem to care about being put down long in your various stations (baby jumper, pack N play, etc.)

Mommy is super tired tonight because she's been up with you since 6, so we'll sign off here. I love you, Zachy Bear! Happy 10 months! <3