I walked 2 miles at the nature center today. My legs are strong--I could walk forever. But my chest started to feel heavy after some time. I really hate this heaviness feeling. I don't know what's going on inside of me -- but it feels low, like at the base of my lungs. I feel like there is a collapse there, or a deflation of some kind. Only You know, God. Doctors do not know, and they can't figure it out.

God, please dissolve this heaviness. If there is a pneumothorax, atelectasis, or deflation/collapse of any kind, allow restoration and healing. Reinflate what has been injured. I don't ask for complete healing anymore -- I just ask for improvement, for incremental healing... to the point where I can function again. I don't have to be 100% my old self. I just need to be able to walk, stand, talk, sit, and care for my children. Also, I would love to be able to work again. Please take away this extreme heaviness, God. Please -- you are the great Physician. Only You can do it. Please also allow me to talk without feeling out of breath or winded while standing. Please do it for my family -- for David, Luke, and Josiah, if not for me.

Lord, as 2018 comes to an end... I look to You to speak to me in 2019. Let there be physical healing, here on earth... and soon. Please be merciful to our family. God, hear my cries. Hear our cries.

Despite feeling terrible, being in nature helped. I can't get enough of Your creation. You are truly beautiful.

It's so hard to breathe well. God, please do not let this be permanent. How can I go on? Please... help.

The Father says today, I have not forgotten you. I have not forgotten you, and I am not ignoring the cry of your heart. I want you to understand that the first time you petitioned Me, the answer promised was recorded on tablets of emerald with a diamond point. My promise will be realized in your life, and it will not fail. Just understand that My timing is not your timing. Stay in a posture of trust as I give others in the situation space to repent until that door is closed, and then your deliverance will be fully manifest even beyond what you thought I was willing to do in your behalf.

Do you trust Me? Then let Me take it from here, says the Father. I am not asking you to learn from anything other than the promises found in My word regarding what you are going through. I am not using the work of the enemy to perfect anything on the inside of you. Am I not the Teacher? Did I not say that I would teach you ALL THINGS? Then why would I use the tempter or the oppression of the enemy to accomplish any aspect of My purposes? That isn't what you were taught but be a Father pleaser and understand this; you are CLEAN through the word I have spoken to you. You are clean, and you are eligible for the promotion that only comes from My hand.

I can't believe I turn 36 tomorrow and I am feeling so incredibly hopeless. Hopeless because I got that second bronchoscopy and now I don't know if I can recover from this hell. It's been almost 2 months. It's been HELL. God, please return me to the state I was in before the bronchoscopy. You know I don't even care to be 100% restored anymore. Please, God.

The Father says today, I am not a far-off God. I am not far off, and I am not hiding Myself. You have asked the question, "where are you, God?" Pause a moment and hear My still small voice, says the Father, for I am right here, as close as the breath of your body. I see your distress, and I see your desperation. Feel My arms of grace encircling you and giving you strength for the day and strength to endure what seems so unendurable. What the enemy means for your destruction will fall out in your favor as I move to heal and restore and reconstitute your hope and your trust in Me, even in the darkest of seasons.

The enemy that lurks in secret places is being routed before you. Your eyes will see it, for I have seen the cleanness of your hands and the innocence of your heart. I will act, and I am moving to save you from every threat and intimidation of the enemy against you. You may feel helpless, but you are not helpless. Things may look bleak, but they are not bleak. You may feel as though your world is crashing in but look again, says the Father - see the hope and life that I am bringing forth in your behalf. You are not forgotten, and I have not hidden My face from you. Even now, trouble and vexation are going, and deliverance is being manifested to restore your trust and reconstitute your testimony of My faithfulness in your life.

I am so incredibly depressed. I can't breathe well. I feel like I am suffocating all the time. I can't play with my kids. I can't take care of myself. I can't cook. I can't do anything. Why is this happening, God? Where are you? Please deliver me! Please rescue me! Please heal my body from these debilitating symptoms. This is ABSOLUTE HELL.