It's sad. I feel like he doesn't try anymore. It's like he's over it. He's over "me" and our marriage. Maybe he put up with me too long (that's what he said ... HIS words)... but I don't see effort to change.

I'm grateful for...

1. Coffee in the morning.

2. A "clean" house to wake up to.

3. Some cuddle time with Zachary.

4. Raffi's RISE AND SHINE book and song.

5. Chocolate chip cookies this morning

6. Finding chocolate in the baking pantry!

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”⁣
(Ephesians‬ ‭4:32‬)⁣

⁣
Let the Lord’s kindness lead us to repentance and let it compel me to show kindness, compassion, and forgiveness to others. Now. And every day.

Let it begin with me. ⁣

Zachary 3 months

My dear Zachy-bear, you are 3 months old now. I can't believe how fast time flies! You are such a happy baby, and though these past few weeks have been difficult, you remain a constant joy. Your smile and your laughter are contagious to me.

That is one thing I will start off with -- your laugh. You've began doing that regularly. You are such a social little guy, always make eye-contact with me and playing with me. You especially love when I put you on my lap to look at me face-to-face. You love when I pull you up against me and kiss your adorable little face... it always cracks you up! 

You continue to sleep next to me, and not in the doc-a-tot anymore. I might as well put that away. :) You still love to be swaddled but I think you are growing out of it. You are starting to have a consistent nap time schedule, though you do not always stay asleep due to all the noise and chatter of having 4 other people under the roof. 

You also have gotten really good at neck control, and tummy time is not such a terrible thing anymore once you realized you can keep your head up! You love your play mobile and kick and dance under it multiple times a day. Of course, you prefer to be held by mommy most of the time, which I don't mind doing. You are just so sweet! 

Although you started off with little hair, your hair is coming in slow and steady. You now have a lot of fuzz on the sides of your head. It's adorable! 

You love to nurse through the night, which means less sleep for mommy. You are now at 16 lbs and 5 ounces! 

Things have continued to be hard in the world. COVID-19 is still a reality, along with face-mask wearing and quarantine life. Mental health seem to be a struggle for many people around the world during this pandemic, and our family is struggling, too. This past week in history, there has been some civil unrest throughout the nation. In our own town, there was a lot of activity. This has put mommy and daddy under some stress. Though the world is in turmoil, God is sovereign and good... and I am so thankful that He gave me you during this time, my consistent source of happiness and joy. I love you, my Zachy-bear!!

My job is not to take away an inconvenience. My job is to raise human beings. 

"I invite you to stand strong in your sense of self as a parent, and to embrace the fact that your priority is to operate in the service of your growing child, and not in the service of that broader cultural dynamic. Think about how you can show up to reinforce the connection relationship you have with your child, rather than doing what feels more convenient or wins greater approval from the adults around you."

Annie gave my children sweets yesterday...in between meals. Ice-cream, Pocky sticks, etc. I let them have them, despite the conflicting message they might be getting about gluten, sugar, processed foods. It upset my children, too, because they didn't get the same item each time. At some point, I made them stop eating their "large portion ice-cream" and give the rest to David. My sister intervened. "Just let them have it." Wait, I'm the parent. What I teach them about sugar, processed foods, and generally unhealthy items should carry on from home to someone else's home. I wanted to please my sister at that time. I was trying to win her greater approval. I have to remember to reinforce connection and live out my convictions in these times.