Help...

Dear God,
Only You know what is happening in my ear/head. Please, Lord, take it away or at least help the symptoms to improve. Help me live a normal life, one without panic, anxiety, and hopelessness. Please, Lord. You've done it before with my breathing. Please do it again. If You are willing, heal me here on earth and soon.

I Don't Have a Mother

Today, I sent the MIL a message. "Goodbye!"

It came down to one thing: continue to nurture the relationship with her, while hurting my second born, or nurture my relationship with him, and let that forced, unrealistic, suffocating MIL - DIL relationship go. After 6 years of suppression, I'm letting the superficial, toxic relationship with her go.

And what newfound freedom I have. When my mother died, I realized one thing: I don't have a mother. I never did, never will. Her death did not leave me mother-less. I was already motherless. 

And now, I can move on. Mother-free. 

My job now is to mother my own children, and mother the inner child.