Luke had a shopping day at preschool during the Christmas season. He picked out fuzzy socks for me. He really wanted me to open them and could not wait until Christmas. Of all the gifts he picked, he wanted me to open mine first. Then he said, "You will want to keep it forever!" "I got it for you because there's as lot of dirty socks around the house."

So. sweet.

Where are you, God? I'm so uncomfortable in my own body. I hate this. How do I go on? How can I raise kids? How can I live the rest of my life like this? Please, restore my breathing. Please! .. even if it's just so that I can function again. Please, God. I  need a miracle.

Recently, God, my breathing has been so hard. I feel like I am walking breathing in sauna air. It's terrifying... especially since the mere act of sitting in the car, or sitting at a show (like last night's Prelude to Christmas) made me intensely uncomfortable...gasping for air, even. :(

God, I know I have been screaming a lot and I have been delighting in evil. (I confess it makes me happy sometimes to hurt those who have hurt me. I know that is not from you -- change me, take away my wickedness and give me a clean heart, Oh Lord -- one that You do not despise.)

Please, in Your mercy, restore me to health. Restore my throat and my capacity to take in more air, fresh air, full air...whatever is causing this restriction, please forgive me and help me to be kind and loving, full of discipline in my own life. Help me to take ownership of what my children see and observe from me.

Please help us, God! Here on Earth and soon. In Jesus' Name. Amen.