Yesterday, David and I talked about how we could just pay off this house and hunker down with that plan in mind. I shared my fear with David that if something were to happen to him, then I would have a house that is paid off. I would know my surroundings (Long Beach -- the place I grew up in and am very familiar with) and I could "make it on my own." I reasoned with myself that my kids could still climb trees on neighborhood walks, and I could step outside at any point and enjoy the beautiful weather and listen to podcasts making loops around the block - all while feeling "safe". Safety is important for me. So is predictability, and stability.
But there is a tug in my heart, begging "What if there is more to life than this?"
Long Beach does feel like prison. But it is familiar and safe.
BUT!
Just because it's familiar, safe, predictable -- doesn't mean it's good or healthy. David has lost himself here. There is nothing left for him to do. I am stuck in a cycle, too. A cycle that is not good either -- it feels wrong -- how I treat people at times (my kids, my husband), how I control so much due to OCD, and how I am not fulfilling the role of a wife and mother well.
What if God has something else for us? I was listening to a podcast today and I was reminded that if we do not take the leap of faith, we would always wonder... and I guess I would have to be OK with that.
Also, are we truly obeying God's call? A reminder that if He leads us to the waters, He will not let us drown.
And another reminder: IF ____ , then we will figure it out...
Plus, we have God and He has our good.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor 5:7
This is what the LORD says: " Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." - Jeremiah 6:16
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