Are you running away from something?
TN is not so attractive to me; I am concerned about radon, I see fat people everywhere, smoking, and the weather can be unpleasant (with ticks, humidity, tornadoes)
BUT JESUS IS ATTRACTIVE. And I cannot help but see Jesus there.
CA is more attractive to me; it's got pleasant weather, the beach, familiarity (culture, doctors, etc.)
But I often feel like the culture here does not embrace Jesus. People can get lost in fun, material wealth, and fight for things that ultimately do not matter (people tend to be really opinionated and political). It is also not very family-friendly here.
I often struggle with finding Jesus here, and I often fault myself for it. Life here is flashy, exciting, and the draw is to the next "fun" thing.
But shouldn't the draw be Jesus? Simple as that?
Sometimes I find myself not trusting Jesus and convincing myself that if I stayed here, I could pay the home off and have security here. I could grow old here. My kids could have a place here if needed. We would always have one foot in California, just in case.
But what if we were meant to walk by faith and not by sight and trust God for the outcome, no matter what?
Then sometimes I tell myself, that if I build out, I can "keep" my kids here... but I know that my children do not belong to me. They belong to God.
Cheryl reminded me today that it is not my job to provide housing for my kids. It is not my job to keep them safe. Her strong advice, without hesitation was: Do what's best for you David. Do what's best for your marriage. Immediately, I thought of how it's been hard for David to do anything on this property, in this house. It's been hard. But I don't want to run away from hard things. I'm just saying, it's been hard.
Sometimes I ask myself, if I stay, would my kids afford a home someday? What would the culture teach my kids?
I am encouraged by this song by For King and Country:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOVrOuKVBuY
Just some thoughts....
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